She was tall and slender, her complexion like that of a few
drops of vermilion in milk. Smart and confident she looked to be in absolute
control of life. With a decent education and a well-paying job, she painted a picture of what every
middle-class girl probably dreams of. At
an age when life is a sea of opportunities and dreams are like mounds of wet
clay shaping into something beautiful, she came upon as a subtle inspiration.
Fresh out of high school and into campus life, I was only beginning to explore the
world on my own terms. Cocooned in the comforts of a loving family for years, I
never spared a thought on how cruel reality could be. Always believed what met
my eyes, often bought what people said. So I believed her story too, after all
it met my eyes.
But soon I learned what you see is not what you believe, all
the time, today I feel, probably most of the time. Behind her don’t-mess-with
me-yet-affable demeanor, there was a poignant tale of torture, trauma and trials.
The dark held much terror for her. Yet
again in a phase of life when I saw companionship as a blessing (be it in the
form of a lover or a husband, the so called better-half), I learned about the
bitter half --- the bitter-half of this picture-perfect story, the bitter half
of how my beliefs were losing ground. The woman who comfortably stood tall in
an otherwise predominantly man’s world found herself biting the dust within the
four walls of her home – day in and day out.
Initiated into an arranged marriage after all checks in
place, nothing should have possibly gone wrong. But nothing really went right.
Mouthful of expletives and abhorrent abuse charred her sense of dignity to the
last bit and the beastly hands seemed to have ugly minds of their own. Battered and bruised on the inside,
she tried to put up a brave front, but only till her neighbours decided to
speak up, speak up before the worst happens. They informed her parents of the brutality
their daughter was being subjected to. The same people who had refused to
listen to their daughter when she tried to explain what she was going through,
finally sat up and took notice. Thank heavens, at least someone managed to knock
sense into them.
Today, when I see the fate of a 23-year-old gang rape victim
from Delhi, I ponder even harder and reality stings even stronger. The girl in
this case was devoured by vultures in the guise of men, men who by their
heinous act not only ruined her body, but also jolted the psyche of the entire
womankind. This time it was in a public space and that too in the country’s
capital. Her plight was someone's pleasure, her pain someone's gain. She bore the
brunt of being born a woman. Despite the
stiff fight she put up for 13-odd days, her body wilted. After all it was only
as much as she could take -- mentally, physically and emotionally.
The two incidents don’t relate, except that they are tales of
torture and brutality --- at different levels and of different degrees. The moot point is: It’s not about whether a
woman is safe in her home or in public space. It’s more about whether a woman
is safe in every man’s thought. Many might
ask, is it ever possible? I ask, is it really impossible?
The malaise is much deeper than what we think. And the solutions aren't merely tougher laws.
ReplyDeleteIt's a lot about men's attitude towards women. It's about man's perception of woman's individuality, and her role in family and society. It's a lot about the way boys are brought up. It's a also about the role models that boys have. Nothing much to cheer about.
A huge cultural shift has to happen if things have to get better. Nothing is going to change overnight. Hopefully a beginning has been made. And, hope at least some men have begun to think differently.
We all need to realize the sort of society that we are living in, and take adequate precautions to ensure our safety and well-being, even while we keep our fingers crossed hoping for good changes.
Every bit of what you have mentioned is so true, sir. There has to be a sea change -- in thoughts, in beliefs and in actions. None of us may live to see the change that we wish for, but as a society we have to be the torchbearer of this change. The kids of today will be the defining youth of tomorrow. So, they got to get the basic lessons of life right from the very onset.
DeleteWhile it is very fashionable to protest and blame the police and the politicians, it is important that every parent or family member think beyond this to the ills of our society that lead to these incidents. Families that train their boys to think of girls as inferior, do not teach them to give others including girls that respect all individuals are due (not just elders and aunties but also those who are younger than them be they boys or girls) and learn to behave normally with girls without getting tingly or shy so they have to resort to false bravado or have to prove their manhood. Real men don't have to prove anything.
ReplyDeleteSome people think that respect is a one way street where there is natural order for the river of respect that it flows in one direction only that it does not have to given to be earned.
Segregation of children as if they are like sodium and water which have to be kept away from each other lest they react is the problem. Instead they should be trained to live with self respect and mutual respect and learn to negotiate their rights and responsibilities.
While this may not stop all crimes, (there will surely be psychopaths and deranged), it will dedinitely reduce the epimic [600 rapes in Delhi in an year!]
Hello Able,
DeleteThanks for taking time out to read my blog and also for sharing your thoughts. The point you made is so pertinent, a person's upbringing reflects through life and mutual respect is so important. But every time I ponder over such things, and then turn to the world of news, I feel so hopeless. The crime barometer of our country is increasingly putting humanity to shame.