Eating out, alone

Until recently, I could never bring myself to eating out alone. I'd feel gawky about seating at a table with empty chairs across. It felt like the world around was watching with an extra pair of eyes. If alone and at an eatery or a cafe, you'd most likely find me at the take-away counter, even if it meant home was another thirty minutes away or the packed food would certainly go cold.  

I often searched for an answer behind this unease, my stomach all the while growling in protest. We are what we think and it dawned on me that my discomfiture was because of what I was feeding my mind. My thoughts would circle around random people pouring their gaze on me, or a family at the corner table giving me the side eye. Not like I cared, or did I? Basically, I didn't want to be the center of attention in my singularity. It also stemmed from social conditioning. A young woman eating alone in a public place wasn't a common sight and I hadn't grown up seeing much of it. We always look for templates to follow, don't we? 

But I wasn't liking this version of me. Every time I pulled back, it made me hangry! I wanted to care less and eat more and uninhibited, like literally. And so I started making the little moves. I chose quiet corners or tables facing the wall. I walked into places that weren't already teeming with people. The first time I almost shoveled in my food and washed it down with some quick swigs of a cold coffee. But it felt good, to turn the tide within. 

The real magic lies is in crossing over the line. And all it takes is that first time. The other day I not only indulged in an unhurried brunch all by myself, I also sat at the table for an extra hour arriving at the topic for the A-Z Challenge and even writing it down, all the while strong hot cuppas keeping me good company. I still caught the occasional glances and the second looks, but nothing stirred in me. Checking in with myself helped me move a mental block. 

And wait, now that I'm thinking, this was such an appetizing food for thought!